Sleep Deprivation is kicking my butt... still!

As I sit here, I can tell you that I am just as sleep deprived with a 7.5 month old as I was when I had a newborn. I think I jinxed myself when people would ask me how Will was sleeping when he was a mere 3 months old and I smiled proudly and said "GREAT! He only wakes up once per night," which was true. Well, that soon changed. Once the the teething phase hit around 4 months (just after Christmas) I was getting up with him 3, 4 or 5 times per night.... and ever since then, its been this constant and ever-changing battle. Sometimes I'll get "lucky" and he only wakes up twice, which oddly enough, I can handle.... but 4 out of the 7 nights per week, it's 3 times or more.
My hubby and I have talked about this - and since I stay at home with our boys - I get up with the baby. I get it. That's fair. After all, I usually nurse him in the middle of the night and that is simply something hubby is not able to do. There is no way that I am giving up nursing before Will turns 1.... so lately I have been researching on how to get a better nights sleep with as little disruption to the family as possible. Well, this is turning into a very frustrating feat. I'm now facing the 8/9 month separation anxiety mark and I'm convinced that Will just wants Mommy to hold him all the time.
I'm nearly done reading the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.... it's basically a book full of great ideas of how to get your baby to sleep through the night without using the Ferber method of just letting your baby "cry it out." And while all the ideas are great, and seem to make a lot of sense, I'm really finding it hard to utilize them in a completely exhausted state in the middle of the night. Don't they know that when you're sleep deprived, exhausted and half asleep its really hard to keep repeating the 6 steps it will take to get your baby back to sleep? It took me nearly 2 hours last night (between the hours of 1:30am and 3:30am) to get Will to go back to sleep - or I should say, stay asleep once I left the room. (Keep in mind that after he went down for the night at 8:30pm, he was up at 10:30pm, 11:30pm, 1:30am, 5:30am, and then up for the morning at 8:00am). I knew he was fed, didn't have a fever, not uncomfortably wet... and he was even smiling at me as I was trying to rock him back to sleep. Cute? Yes. Sometimes annoying when I just want some sleep? Yes. This is where I feel conflicted.
I know that these sleepless nights will end, eventually. And at that time I might wish for him to wake up to snuggle, or nurse or smile at me. After all, he is growing up so fast. But on the other hand, I find it much easier to be the good mom (and wife) I want to be when I am well rested. Being at home with Will and Matthew is my full time job. I hardly get any breaks. I have to attend to one demand after another. I constantly multi-task. I get exhausted. And at the end of the day, I usually just want to go to bed - and more often than not, that's around 9pm. More conflict comes in when I know I need to get out for some "me" time, or even a date with hubby... but when that happens I miss my kids... I constantly worry about them and if they need me. And if I "go out" in the evenings, and go to bed late, I still have to wake up with the baby 3 or 4 times per night, so sometimes I feel as if it's not even worth it... I just become that much more sleep deprived. Does all this make sense? It probably does not help at all that several other mommies with babies similar in age to Will are all sleeping through the night and are pro-nappers... Maybe there's too much pressure to have the baby that has perfect sleeping habits. Is there truly such a thing? Or am I just trying so hard to do what I "think" is normal?
There's no place I would rather be than home with my kids. I am greatful every. single. day. for that gift, because I've been on the complete other side of it, and I'd much rather be sleep deprived and home, than sleep deprived and working in an office like I was just a few short years ago. Perhaps God wants me to remember that not all parents have the gift of children - that many would rather stay up all night every night to even just have one child (ie: my BFF, Diana). I think I need to remind myself of this more. Nothing lasts forever... not even sleepless nights.... and certainly not a baby that wants to cuddle with his Mommy. I guess I'll just need to up my coffee intake until this passes...whether that's 2 weeks or another 5 months...
Once I get the sleeping thing under control, I'm sure I'll post about it... and watch, I'll be missing my baby snuggles at 2am...

Pictures, as promised (but delayed).... then NEW post!

Here are some pictures from my birthday that we spent in Wisconsin Dells. It was a blast... and so fun to do something "special" as a family.

And lastly.... here are my babies on Easter Sunday with their matching outfits. We spent a lovely weekend celebrating with my family in Green Bay.

Now to work on my next post....

And onto a whole new year.

I just celebrated my 29th birthday... meaning that I am officially starting my 30th year of life. Whoa. That seems so old to me. I know I have just under a year until I hit the big 3-0, but man, I might need to gear up for that big day. I've already started thinking about how I want to celebrate - I'd like to go "all out" with a vaca with hubby, or with a vino party with my closest friends and family. I guess we'll see what life brings at that time... lots can change between then and now. A year can make a HUGE difference in your life. I think about the last year of mine, and how insanely different it's been since last year at this exact time. Several people in my life have come and gone...some good, some not so good. But I did have a GREAT year, despite some of the obstacles I was faced with. I had a great time celebrating my 29th birthday this year... we spent the night in Wisconsin Dells at a waterpark - which, by the way, TOTALLY brings out the kid in me when I go down those big water slides. We ordered pizza in our room, and all went to bed early :-) We then celebrated with my sister and her family (along with my good friend, Brittny) the Saturday following with a great dinner, and of course, some good vino. In an upcoming weekend, my mom is taking me shopping to buy me some new clothes, and my daddy is going to cook for me - couldn't ask for anything better! By the way, hubby and the kiddos bought me an imersion blender for my birthday (something I asked for) and I frickin' love the thing. (which is another reason I feel old - I get excited about kitchen utensils as presents.) And don't get me started on the cookie sheets I got from my sister (they made the best.cookies.ever.). There are pictures from the festivities, but they are currently on my camera which is at my sisters house until I see her on Thursday... so I'll have a "birthday picture post" then and you can all see how I celebrated my 29th birthday with my favorite people :-) I can only hope that this next year will be just as great as my last...now, onto 30!

I'm done with snow.

It snowed. Again. This morning.
Seriously? It's mid-March... isn't Mother Nature tired yet? I want spring!
Last year at this time, I clearly remember several 60-70 degree days, me and my mini-baby bump walking around the neighborhood with Matthew on his bike. This year... not a chance! There's still about 6-8 inches of old yucky snow underneath the fresh layer we got this morning.

Although, in about a week... on my 29th birthday, actually, we'll be spending 2 days (one overnight) at Mt. Olympus Resort in Wisconsin Dells. The indoor waterpark will feel warm, and Drew and I get to play and splash in the pool with Will and go down waterslides with Matthew. I'm super excited! And one of the best parts, is that we're surprising Matthew. I'll be packing his stuff up the night before and we're not going to tell him where we're going until we get there. Drew and I want it to be a little magical for him. He will already feel like the day is special with Mommy's birthday cake, but with a water park and spending a night in a cool hotel on top of that, he'll be in heaven.

Hopefully this is one of the last snowfalls of the season. I'm so done with snow, and I'm so done with winter. Bring on the warm weather!

Introducing... my future sister-in-law - Lauren!

Between not blogging regularly, and having so much other stuff to do and on my mind, I totally forgot to make a special post about the new and exciting event happening in mid-October. Our family will be welcoming my brother's fiancee, Lauren, into our family when they get married in Minneapolis on October 15. I'm so very happy for my brother for finding the person that can truly make him happy, and build the life he's always wanted and deserved. There is no better person for him to create a happy life and family with than her. Ironically, Lauren spent most of her childhood living in Green Bay, and we actually went to middle school and (briefly) high school together, although she was a grade younger than I, and we were only aquaintances. My brother and her met through a mutual friend of theirs while they both were living in Minneapolis. (it's a small world!)

They recently asked Drew, Matthew and I to stand up in their wedding as a groomsmen/bridesmaid/ringbearer so we are all really looking forward to that. It's going to be a very special (and fun!) day for all of us! Did I mention they are having their reception at the brand spankin' new TCF stadium (where the MN Gophers play)? The pictures of the reception hall there are amazing. It's going to be a beautiful wedding... and my brother is marrying a beautiful woman. I'm so very excited to be gaining such a great person as my sister-in-law!

So without further ado... here she is - my future "little" sister! (With my niece Julia on NYE)

Let go... Let God

I recently saw one of my childhood friends post this as her Facebook status. No doubt, she has gone through some rough times, but amazingly she has pulled herself through. LET GO... LET GOD. Hmph...There's so much wisdom to that phrase. There is only so much that we ourselves can control. We can't control what others do, say or think about us... that whole concept has been hard for me ever since I can remember. We can't control when or how others hurt us... or disappoint us. Honestly, Drew has a much easier time "letting go" of hurtful, painful things than I do. He gets mad, and then he literally can just say "I'm not wasting my time thinking about things that are out of my control." At one point in my life, I felt like I had no control of anything that was happening to me, and that was painful. It felt like I was just bombarded with bad seeds. Eventually, that all turned around.... I moved, I got married, I had another baby.... my life is good. It really is. But like I said in my previous post, people disappoint me. Some people that I once loved and trusted continue to have a hurtful effect on me. I NEED TO LEARN TO LET GO and LET GOD. My mom once had a quote taped up to her kitchen cupboard that said "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." - (Really, I think she had taped it there for my benefit at the time since I was dating my ex-hubby, R. Zellner, and little did I know at the time that he didn't consider me a priority, at all.) Again, so much wisdom that prase as well....

So enough of this over analyzing everything. My new goal every week is to spend less time worrying about what others think about me... to spend less time thinking about how others have wronged me in the past or how others hurt and disappoint me.... there's so many more beneficial things to focus my energy on.... like these two little guys.....

My two sons are precious.... and I love my hubby more than anything.... my life isn't perfect. But it's good.

Remember.... "LET GO, LET GOD."

Because I am!

A good excuse

I talk a lot about how I don't blog enough because I have such little "free" time to do so. This is true, but I think... actually, I know, that the other reason, which is probably just as significant is that I could have too much to say, and to write about. A lot goes on in the life of the Zimmerman's. Many disappointing things just as there are good things. I guess I have a hard time disifering if I should write about the variety of disappointing, or hard things that we/I have had to deal with. What is appropriate for a blog? When going through hardships, it's hard for me to write about them.... and to write about them in a way that makes sense to others. I usually use my husband, my sister or my mom as my sounding board for when I vent about things. Perhaps I feel like this blog should be all ponies and rainbows - because I AM so greatful - even though I go through hard times. I get angry at people. People disappoint me. But I'm not so sure how far to go in terms of using this blog to sort through the negativity that I often times deal with. There are several "drafts" of blogs that I haven't published because I'm not sure if it would be well received by my select readers. Either way... bare with me for now. Perhaps one day soon, I will be brave enough to write more about the hardships I deal with. We'll see...

A New Year...

It'll be tough to beat last year. It was so wonderful, and it ended just as well - Hubby graduated with his MBA from Marquette University Business School - with a fabulous GPA, I might add. After 2.5 years of having him gone 2-3 nights per week, he's DONE - and he's got the degree to prove it! I'm so proud of him! It's awesome to have him around more and the kids love it too...

I have been horrible at blogging - my brother reminded me of this over Christmas when he pointed out to me that my last post was October 21.... yikes. I have been busy. It is still an adjustment having 2 kids. However, it's something that is so rewarding. I LOVE being home with my two boys more than anything - even though it's super hectic.. And those of you that know me, I like things orderly... I like things clean (on most days) so I've had to let go of some of this these last few months otherwise I'll go insane :-) I'm rarely on the computer though. I check my email and my Facebook account on my iPod while I nurse Will - and the iPod isn't so conducive to blogging, I must say. I turn on the computer when I need to buy something online or upload some pictures - that's about it. So bare with me... I will *try* to blog more this new year... but most of the time, I have something more pressing to attend to. Perhaps I'll try to make it part of my New Years resolution this year...

Adding to how wonderful our 2010 year ended - Matthew turned the BIG 5. Yes, my baby is 5! I can't believe it. We celebrated with 10 of his friends from school at the bowling alley - which was much better than entertaining ten 4/5 year old boys at our house. It was chaotic, but it was fun watching them wrestle and tackle each other in between bowling their frames.... the life of having BOYS! Other highlights of 2010 - a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, Drew's ACG Cup victory, Matthew being with us ALL OF THE TIME, the birth of our beautiful William, William's baptism.... and all the little moments in between with our family and friends that make us thankful for the lives we have.

I'm hoping that 2011 will be just as good as 2010. Unfortunately my brother just had to say goodbye to his "baby" Sedona... his 10+ year old golden lab that had cancer. He put her down yesterday with his girlfriend, Lauren by his side. It must have been so hard for him to say goodbye to the one thing that has remained constant in his life throughout his painful 18 months. That dog was a lifesaver for him. I know he takes comfort in knowing that she is running around and playing fetch with sticks up in dog heaven with her cousin, Max. I took a cute picture of William and Sedona over Christmas time, while we were up in Green Bay- here it is. Sedona liked to be near the baby, of course. :-)

My resolution for 2011 is to excercise 4 times per week... after one week, I've attained that goal thus far. Right now, it's doing some quick kickboxing and ab crunches in the living room until the weather gets nicer and I can use the jogging stroller to start running again.

....And the baby calls.... toodles for now!