Well, I'm sure a lot of you have waited for me to post about SOMETHING relevant to what's going on in my life right now. Anyone that really knows me, knows that some big things have been occuring lately- and for those of you that don't, all you need to do is Google Matthew's dad's name to understand all what we are dealing with at the moment.
I am NOT going to write about my ex-husband though. I choose to focus and reflect on the positive things in my life - one of those things is, that we are adjusting to a new normal, and it is glorious!
When I got that positive pregnancy test back in January, I figured I had 9 months to try to readjust my schedule to accomodate my life as a full-time mom. Little did I know then, that come April, everything would change, and I woud once again have a little one, full time. That's right, Matthew is with us
all the time. We have sole custody, and it is fantastic. Long gone are the anxiety filled days (especially Monday's) where I would just wait for the clock to hit 4:15 when I'd have to leave to drop him off with his dad. I would dread that drive, especially the one back home to Milwaukee - I felt so lonely with the empty car seat in the back. My little love, Matthew, is here, and is safe with us every day. I haven't been able to say that since he was 6 months old. I would always wonder what I was missing out on when he was away from me. Did he say a new word? Or learn a new fact? Or go to the zoo for the first time with out his Mama? Who would comfort him when he scraped his knee or fell off his bike?
I have to admit, it has been a little chaotic at times - I've been so used to the schedule of having him for 8 days, then not having him for 6 days (where I would get MOST of my stuff done) - that I had to quickly readjust how I did everything. I cleaned the whole house yesterday morning - a chore that surely will have to be done on the weekends now, especially when Jellybean arrives! I cannot tell you how awesome it feels to wake up on a Monday morning, to a ridiculously clean house, and also knowing that I don't have to make that drive to Kiel anymore. So long are the days where I have to schedule my play dates around the times when Matthew is here, or feel bad about having to miss out on one of his friends birthday's because he wasn't here... Matthew gets to participate in 100% of what's going on here, at home in Milwaukee.
Yesterday morning, Drew said to me... "Matthew is so giggly lately." I responded by saying "I think he feels more comfortable and sure of what to expect in his life right now." Drew agreed. Then I shared what Matthew had said to me early yesterday morning as I was making his pancakes for breakfast. Matthew looked up at me and said "Mom, I like it when I get to stay here. I love you and Daddy Drew so much." Then he hugged me and went about his morning. I had tears in my eyes - and I still do as I write about it now. How greatful I am to have a moment like that with my 4 year old son. How greatful I am that God has given me this gift of having him here with us. Albeit, I wish it were under better circumstances, but as the saying goes - When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade!
Thank you to EVERYONE who has been praying for Matthew, Drew and me and my family. We SO appreciate it all - and we feel the love! Baby Jellybean is growing stronger every day (I am starting to feel those kicks on the outside now!) Another thing to be thankful for.... Next week: Are we Team Pink or Team Blue?!
